Pain
by suchamystery
Summary: He laughs, and it hurts all over again. Batman/Joker, guy/guy, OOC, sorta-kinda AU, swearing, adult themes. M to be safe. long drabble.


So yeah I started this and wrote the first few lines like 4 months ago, and then I finally got the rest done. It was intended to be like a 100-200 word drabble, but then I just got going and I was kind of excited because this is the first time in a long time I've been able to get this much done. So it's like.. multiple drabbles all rolled into one. XD I will probably end up hating it and wanting to make it longer, but I also probably never will. XD *is lazy* Constructive criticism is welcome, feel free to point out errors although it's debatable if I'd ever get around to fixing them XD, no flames please.  
>also this is sorta plagued by run-on sentences like all my work is, but for the Joker I think it works. XD<p>

WARNING: Contains adult themes like swearing and mentions of sexytimes, probably horrible OOCness, and slightly AU, I'm sure.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Batman, k.

* * *

><p>When they made love, there was nothing loving about it.<p>

It was all teeth and blood, rough thrusts and teary eyes.

Sometimes, he wanted love.

It almost got there once. Batsy thinks he didn't hear it, but he did. The Bat slipped up and said his name, but not just his name, a _nickname_.

"J."

Thinking about it made him smile. Sure, compared to your 'darlings' and 'sweetums' and 'honeys' it wasn't much, but coming from the Bat, it was like all those things combined.

Rage fills him. Why the hell should he pine after the Bat when his affections are ignored? He doesn't want love. He just wants the Bat to acknowledge him once or twice. To _look_ at him.

It wasn't exactly honorable for Gotham's hero to be nailing his arch nemesis, but he didn't have to act so ashamed. He could act like he _enjoyed_ himself, maybe, instead of keeping quiet, only letting the occasional groan emit from his lips.

And that _cowl_. He thought he'd take it off. Yeah, yeah, secret identity, all that jazz, but it wasn't like the Joker was going to care exactly who Batsy was when he was getting pounded into like there was no tomorrow.

Then again, maybe there wasn't. Maybe Bats had a secret, like he was close to cracking, close to breaking that one rule.

For some reason, this makes 'J' upset. Bats can't tell though, because he's always smiling, and Batsy is too concerned with cleaning himself up to realize how deeply the Joker's thinking. Once again, rage comes crashing down on the Joker. He shouldn't be feeling like some pathetic love-sick teenage girl, chasing the quarter-back's heels.

He's the fucking _Joker_. He should be blowing up a bus full of preschoolers right now. His mind sets the plan in motion, but he's interrupted by Bats clearing his throat.

"I'm… leaving." The Joker shivers. That _voice_. So raw.

"Whaaaat? You don't want to stay and let me cook you breakfast? I make a mean omelet, Basty…" He has to joke. There's no way he can tell the Bat how he _really_ feels.

Not that he feels anything. Nope, not at all.

Batman just stares at him, his eyes saying are-you-stupid. The Joker cocks an eyebrow at him before he can't hold in the laughter bubbling up inside of him anymore, and it comes out, half-screaming half-laughing.

He doesn't stop when the Bat leaves. It keeps going and going and going until it hurts, it fucking _hurts_, and he doesn't think he can stop, but then he does. But it still hurts. He stares at the door, even though Batsy probably went out the window in his usual fashion.

He realizes he's glaring at the door, as if it's the door's fault, and a weak, pathetic chuckle escapes his lips. It still hurts. He traces the hurt back to his heart, where he feels like he's being stabbed. Repeatedly.

_Pang_. He doesn't even know why. The thought it could be from loneliness, from unrequited love, doesn't even cross his mind. His shoulders slump, he's still staring at the door, and the pain is receding to a dull throb until it numbs completely. He feels something wet slide down his cheeks.

Must be a leak. It doesn't matter, he's leaving this dump of a hideout anyway. He doesn't want the memories.

He laughs at that, memories, memories of what? Him and the Bat? Like they were _lovers_?

He laughs, and it hurts all over again.


End file.
